Homesick!

No matter how I tried to keep myself busy, I still feel emptiness! I know only a hugs and kisses from my kids can fill. I've been away for five months and not a day passed without them in my mind. 

At first, I cannot even stare at their photos, it almost makes me die of sadness. I wanna scream and be back home. Gradually, I get used to simply staring, but cannot even touch or hold.  This is what life has for me away from home.

I was wondering why on earth at every approach of the month,it  seems that time flies so fast to be with them.  but having this strange feeling I cannot fight with. No matter how loud my laugh is, I can still feel this emptiness inside.  I chose to work away from them, for some reasons we all agreed together. 

One good thing is, I was able to quit smoking. Can you imagine a 20-year-smoker abruptly quit on the first day I set foot in this strange land? To keep the promise to my kids and I am proud of myself to be able to fight this addiction.  Though, during lonely times, I still crave for it, and miss what it brought me.  The relaxation state I felt in every puff . Honestly, just today, I almost lose my control, I'm glad to keep myself busy and forgot the Baqala thing or else... OMG! I can no longer resist because of the loneliness and what I am into right now. NO! NO! NO! ahhhhhh!!!!!

I must stand this test... I must keep moving on... and hope to be home soon to hug and kiss you my bebehs!

I love you mga anak!